How To Impress The Ladies
- Me: however, i am listening to mutemath pretty hard
- Jackie: how hard?
- Jackie: hard enough to hurt?
- Me: on a scale of one to diamond, dolomite
No offense.
- Andrew: i'm going to be the unabomber
- Samantha: that will be easy for you at least
- Samantha: hoodie and sunglasses and creepiness
- Andrew: BECAUSE I'M SO CREEPY
- Samantha: You can leer with the best of them
- Andrew: i'll be wearing aviators! so i can stare all i want!
- Samantha: perfect!!
- Andrew: SLUTS BEWARE
- Samantha: TITS BEWARE
- Andrew: HE'S COMING
- Andrew: HE'S COMING
- Andrew: HE'S COMING
- Samantha: CATELLIER CAT-ELLIER
- Samantha: SIX FEET TALL, A MOTHERFUCKING QUEER
I wish I could quit you.
- Brian: Move to Omaha and be my wingman
- Andrew: only if you promise you're not actually thinking about me when you're boning chicks
- Brian: Dude, gross. Only the way you smell.
I still want to punch a kitten.
- Me: nothing like some calories for your demeanor
- Elizabeth: feeling better?
- Me: i don't want to punch a seal anymore
- Elizabeth: good, because a seal will fucking eat your face off if you even raise a fist at it
