The Canonical Bachelor Cooking Style Guide
In order to cook like a true, genuine bachelor, simply follow these steps:
- Put off cooking until you can no longer think.
- Stare at the contents of your kitchen cupboards and refrigerator, and await inspiration.
- Once you convince yourself your inspired idea won’t take longer than 30 minutes to prepare and cook, pour yourself a stiff drink.
- Begin preparation.
- Be open to your mind’s inner ramblings—if an idea comes along, it’s definitely a good one, and it should be followed.
- At the half-hour mark, curse. Pour another drink in celebration because you’re halfway there.
- Don’t take preliminary tastes of your concoction, you’ll just be disappointed. Simply add inordinate amounts of spice.
- Finish second drink before plating the entrée.
- Realize you needn’t bother plating the entrée. Splatter it in a bowl.
- You’re now buzzed enough to not care what your failure pile tastes like. Enjoy an episode of your favorite show to further distract from the plane you landed in the Hudson.
